Overthinking during sex? Here's how to come back to your body.

Learn how to get out of your head and into your body during intimacy.

Do you ever find yourself overthinking during sex, your mind racing with thoughts while your body is right there? Rest assured, you're not alone in that. In fact, overthinking during sex is one of the most common concerns I hear from people seeking out my services. Teaching people how to rewire their nervous systems for pleasure and cultivate embodied presence during sex is a foundational part of my work. I teach clients to come back to their bodies through embodiment practices (also often referred to as 'somatic practices') which are activities or processes that help a person connect with their body’s sensations and inner experiences in a conscious and intentional way. You'll find a range of embodiment practices to explore either solo or partnered, at the end of this blog post.

The Sexual Disembodiment Dilemma

Here in Australia, we live in a culture that prizes performance over presence. I remember when I grew up the headlines of women’s magazines screamed things like 'Blow His Mind (and More): 10,397 Bedroom Tricks You Haven’t Tried!" and "101 Sex Positions to Contort Yourself Into!" Okay, I might be slightly exaggerating here, but you get my drift right? Along with the influence of mainstream pornography, it's no wonder we've become so focused on performing sexual acts rather than embodying sexual presence. (Side note here, I'm certainly not anti-porn and would encourage anyone who is interested in porn to subscribe to ethical porn sites such as Make Love Not Porn, CHEEX, and Erika Lust). As well as societal conditioning there are lots of other reasons we struggle to stay present during sex such as trauma responses, body image issues, replaying sexual fantasies, stress, lack of partnered connection, and fear of vulnerability.

Somatic Approaches to Sex

I first came across somatic approaches to sexual wellbeing perhaps the same way you stumbled across this blog - by Googling something along the lines of...

• "Why can't I stay present during sex?"

• “I can’t stop thinking about how I look right now.”

• “Am I even doing this right?”

• “Why can’t I just stay present during sex?”

• “Shouldn’t I be feeling more turned on by now?”

• “I’m worried I’m taking too long to orgasm.”

• “I can’t focus - I keep thinking about my to-do list.”

• “I think I just heard the baby wake up.”  

I was so frustrated with the thought loops I regularly experienced during intimacy. They were taking away from my ability to really feel into pleasure and I started to think I was 'broken'. The thing is, it's hard to cultivate pleasure and tune in to your body’s cues, sensations, and desires when your mind takes over! Even with good lovers, I’d find myself drifting off into thoughts about things like work, studies, fantasies, and the ever torturous - to do list. My Google search led me down a path of devouring information about somatic sexology (a field that integrates somatic practices with the study of human sexuality), embodiment practices, attending events such as the Festival of Embodiment and Sexual Transformation, and studying through the Institute of Somatic Sexology.

A whole new world opened up to me that led to a sexual awakening. It was one of a handful I’ve experienced in my life and the most beautiful, nourishing one of all. Embodiment practices have since helped me to start rebuilding my mind-body-spirit connection. Through curiosity, patience, and practice I have been learning ways to experience pleasure more deeply than ever before. Now I teach these same principles to my clients because staying present during intimacy isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s actually a skill to cultivate. Embodiment practices can help you shift from performing intimacy to experiencing it in a way that is fully and joyfully in connection with your body. Fuck learning 10,397 bedroom tricks and 101 sex positions! Let’s live in a world where we cultivate embodied sexual presence instead, because that's where the erotic magic lies.

Embodiment Practices to Reclaim Your Pleasure

Embodiment practices will support you to bring awareness back to your body in a way that is gentle and nourishing. The practices help cultivate interoception - the internal sensory system that allows you to feel and interpret internal signals from your body, which a 2024 University of Essex study found is a critical component of female sexual pleasure and orgasmic ability. The researchers concluded that their study, which included 318 women, "empirically demonstrates that women need to get out of their heads and into their bodies in order to have more frequent and satisfying orgasms."

There are 5 foundational somatic pillars that I teach clients to help them cultivate sexual presence – awareness, touch, sound, movement, and breath. To get you started, I've listed some examples for each one below for both partnered and solo sessions. Try them out, let me know how you go in the comments section, and if you'd like me to support you towards your embodied sexual awakening, please visit my home page for information about my services that include erotic meditations, sexual wellbeing workshops, online programs, and 1:1 and partnered sessions.

1. Awareness: The Intimacy Scan (Couple’s Version)

Purpose: Drop into the moment and meet each other as you are, right now.

Try this together: Face your partner and sit close, eyes open or closed. Take a minute to notice:

• The pace of your breath

• Where you feel sensation in your body

• Any emotions, thoughts, or expectations present

Then, take turns naming one or two things you’re noticing internally. For example:“I feel warmth in my chest and a little nervous flutter.” There’s nothing to fix. Just listen, witness, and soften together into presence.

2. Touch: The Hand Explorer (Couple’s Version)

Purpose: Reawaken the body and deepen trust through intentional touch.

Try this: One partner becomes the explorer, the other the map. The explorer uses their hands to slowly trace the other's body over clothes or on bare skin. Focus on areas that often get overlooked: the back of the knees, wrists, the curve of the lower back. As the map, simply receive. Notice what feels good, surprising, or awakening. Swap roles when ready.This isn’t about arousal, it’s about attention. And attention is incredibly erotic.

3. Sound: The Pleasure Hum (Couple’s Version)

Purpose: Use your voice to amplify sensation and release tension.

Try this: Lie facing each other, or sit with your bodies touching. Take a deep breath together and exhale with a low, resonant hum. Try different sounds like moans, and “mmmmm” or “ohhhh”. Let your sounds ripple through your body and meet each other in the space between you. Notice how it feels to be both heard and felt. Moaning, humming, sighing - these aren’t “extras.” They are ancient tools for pleasure and connection.

4. Movement: The Slow Sway (Couple’s Version)

Purpose: Invite rhythm, flow, and mutual attunement.

Try this: Sit in your partner’s lap or stand holding each other loosely. Begin to sway your bodies together - hips, shoulders, breath, as if you’re dancing underwater. Let your movement be slow, sensual, and responsive. Feel the points of contact between you: breath against chest, hand on waist, thigh to thigh. Movement can be a silent conversation. Let your bodies talk to each other.

5. Breath: The Shared Rhythm

Purpose: Co-regulate your nervous systems and deepen your erotic bond.

Try this: Lie close, chest to chest or side by side. Begin to match your breathing by inhaling and exhaling together. After a few cycles, try this:

• Inhale together for 4 counts

• Hold for 2

• Exhale for 6

You’ll likely feel your bodies soften, your minds quiet. This practice builds trust, synchrony, and erotic attunement even before any physical touch begins.

1. Awareness: The Intimacy Scan (Solo Version)

Purpose: Drop into the moment and meet yourself exactly as you are.

Try this: Find a comfortable position, sitting or lying down. Gently close your eyes or soften your gaze. Take a minute to notice:

• The rhythm and pace of your breath

• Where you feel sensation in your body

• Any emotions, thoughts, or inner narratives present

Now name aloud or internally one or two things you’re noticing. For example:“There’s warmth in my belly and some tension behind my eyes.” There’s nothing to fix. Just witness yourself with care. Embovide presence starts with noticing.

2. Touch: The Hand Explorer (Solo Version)

Purpose: Reawaken the body and deepen embodiment through intentional, curious touch.

Try this: Become both the explorer and the map. Use your hands to slowly trace your own body. Run them over clothes, bare skin, or with oil if you like. Explore often-forgotten places: the back of your neck, your inner arms, the backs of your thighs. Let your hands move with curiosity, without an agenda. What textures, pressures, or areas feel good? Surprising? Awakening? This isn’t about climax. It’s about connecting with yourself.

3. Sound: The Pleasure Hum (Solo Version)

Purpose: Use your voice to activate sensation and dissolve tension.

Try this: Lie back or sit upright and take a long, deep breath in. On the exhale, let out a low hum like “mmmmm” or “ohhhh". Really feel into the vibrations as they ripple through your body. Repeat a few times. Let the sound follow your sensation. Let it build and soothe.

4. Movement: The Slow Sway (Solo Version)

Purpose: Invite rhythm, sensuality, and flow into your body.

Try this: Stand or sit with your spine relaxed. Begin to gently sway your hips, shoulders, or whole torso - as if you’re slow-dancing with your own essence. Let the movement be intuitive, flowing, erotic. Touch yourself if you like, or simply enjoy the feeling of moving from the inside out. Let yourself be moved. This is your own private dance of devotion. You are both dancer and witness.

5. Breath: The Shared Rhythm (Solo Version)

Purpose: Regulate your nervous system and cultivate deep self-attunement.

Try this: Lie down or sit comfortably. Place one hand on your heart, the other on your belly or genitals. Begin breathing in a 4-2-6 rhythm:

• Inhale for 4 counts

• Hold for 2

• Exhale for 6

Let each exhale melt you a little deeper into your body. Feel your inner rhythms syncing your mind, breath, body, arousal. You are your own safe haven.

Have fun practicing! That's the key word - practicing. There is no perfect here because there's no such thing as perfect during sex. Just show up for yourself, keep practicing, find what works for you, and see where things lead.